Falling off the Tracks

Yesterday was my monthly lesson with Miss Sherry. It was one of the most frustrating lessons I've had in a long time. Grimsey was good up until our right lead canter, and then we had some serious miscommunication regarding the canter depart uphill, on a circle. He dropped his outside shoulder, turned his head in, and just busted through my outside aids *sigh*

I've always had bad luck with horses. First, it was Friday, who developed navicular just in time to be cleared for riding after his EPM treatment. Then, there was Cash, whose head-shaking had us all flummoxed for a full year-and-a-half. Next, was Rooster, who struck her head and had multiple seizures. Then Grimsey, whose feet I have struggled with since day one, when an abscess blew out the entire hoof wall on his left hoof, and subsequently sidelined him for a full year. Finally, there is Charlie. Good ol' Charlie, whom I "rescued" two weeks ago from a neglectful home (although, I don't think the owner was willfully neglectful). Charlie has been off since day one. The day I went to see him, he was too weak to trot for me, so I took him on blind faith (mixed with a little bit of pity). His attitude is all-around fantastic. He's pretty relaxed about everything, except for the fact that he's scared of my other three horses....

Once again, I am months behind on updating. If I had any regular readers, those people would probably think I'd died in the OR. Not so! I am alive and well, and I shall detail my surgery later in this post. Firstly, I want to start out with some equine-related updates.

Friday
What you haven't heard is that Friday had an accident last fall. He cut his foot (pastern area) on my barn, though my parents argue that it was the gate he cut it on because there was more blood... I argue he put his foot under the metal siding and sliced it as such. Luckily, I happened to be standing by the trailer, and saw the accident. Had I not been there, or had my parents not been there with me, Friday would have bled to death. He severed the major vein, the artery, and the ligament in his foot; he also nicked the joint. It took about four months before Friday could start going out again, and so he spent a few hours in the arena every day, gradually getting longer until I could start turning him out with Bonc and Grimsey. Now, he still has quite a noticeable limp (I do not think the ligament has healed, or has healed well). X-rays revealed arthritic changes and a bone spur in the pastern joint. Doc thinks this is due to the instability of the ligament while it was healing (he was in a cast for a while). For a long time, I went back and forth on having him put to sleep, but he seems happy and still gallops around the field, so time will tell.

Grimsey:
After surgery, Grim had two-and-a-half months off from work. I had tried to find someone to ride him, but was unsuccessful (mostly, I feel, due to rumors about him being dangerous... did I write about that particular drama yet???). So he started back a few weeks ago, and has been stellar. I had his shoes pulled, and he's still a tad tender, but not nearly as bad as last time. He's currently being treated with Keratex Hoof Hardener, but we're only a week and a few days into treatment, so I can't speak for its efficacy. He's also getting SmartHoof (Farrier's Formula just didn't seem to be doing it, but I don't love SmartHoof, either) and just started on SmartSox (to increase blood flow to his hooves). I've also been treating him for ulcers, which I've suspected he's had for a long time. The SmartSox supposedly can cause stomach upset in horses with ulcers (because of the Turmeric Root Powder), so I'm keeping a close eye on his treatment. Most of what I've found indicates that this is an unlikely possibility. On the riding side of things, we've only cantered once (doctor's orders, I cannot canter/jump until November... I'll stick to the jumping limitation, but I've been cantering since day 1 back in the saddle... bad me), and it was pretty sorry, but his trot is as fantastic as ever, and I was actually able to sit it for several minutes at a time. His back is developing beautifully (he'll always look a little funny thanks to his withers).

Today promises to be an interesting day. I am going to look at a 5yo Thoroughbred gelding an hour away. He is (supposedly) 16.3 hands. Bay, star, sock. Pretty ordinary. He hasn't been ridden in 6-7 months, but it sounds like he's pretty quiet - the guy says his 2yo runs around the horse's legs (EEK!) and this OTTB is totally cool with it.

As far as horse-related news goes, that's pretty much it. I've been riding for a couple of months now, trying to get back into shape. After two months of sitting around doing nothing (couldn't even walk around the block for the first month), I was pretty out of shape.

Since I spent time in my last post complaining about horsemanship and how many young riders today do not read, I decided to compile a list of "essentials." You can already see that it's a long list, and they are in no particular order, though multiple books by the same author are grouped. I've bolded my favourite titles.

Books on Training and Riding:





And, of course, there are some great DVDs out there, as well. I recommend anything by Jane Savoie and Philippe Karl, both.

Obviously, I recommend EVERY title in that list, and there are even more that I'm sure are magnificent that I haven't read! The shame of it is, books are so expensive these days. Occasionally you can find a good buy on eBay, but I've still spent a small fortune procuring my books. If I'm being honest, I've yet to purchase or even read Elderkin's book, but I'm itching to get it. You'll notice that a lot of these books are outdated (McTaggart, for instance), but they're no less worth the read. Part of being a good horseman is understanding why and how modern horsmanship has come along; in fact, "modern" horsemanship may not be the ideal, you'll find ;)

When I sold Cash two years ago, I knew he was going to a good home. The young woman who bought him wasn't the best rider, but Cash totally babysat her and, for me, that was enough reason to let him go with her. She was kind, though had an unforgiving hand and not the best seat. Maybe it was a mistake, but we agreed to keep in touch, and so we are friends on Facebook. I get to see updates of their progress (without badgering her about him), and I enjoy seeing how far they've come.

As a horse owner, I've always prided myself on my horses' appearances. Shiny coats and a healthy mane and tail are trademarks of my horses. Partly, it's due to good genetics. But I also pick their feed very carefully, not to mention I have a certain grooming routine to keep them shiny and healthy.

So when I saw some pictures of Cash today with a scraggly looking coat, my first thought was "what has she done to his beautiful coat?!?!" He was filthy with no shine (and this horse gleams). This is not to say I made a bad decision in selling him to her. He's in good weight, and looks happy. But, where is her sense of pride in her horse?


Sometimes I wonder if good horsemanship has gone the way of the Dodo. It seems as though today we are turning out mere riders, and not horsemen. Young riders don't seem to want to put the effort into good horse care. When I go to local shows, I see dirty tack, filthy boots, stained horses... the list goes on. Though I understand these are schooling shows, not rated, why isn't good upkeep more of a priority?

I have a former riding friend (still on good terms, but no longer "friends") whose parents bought her a $20,000 mare. When the mare transferred hands, she was in good weight and shiny. Skip to one year later and the mare has a dead coat and is at least 100lbs underweight. It's not as though this girl does not care about her horse, but she doesn't exactly put in the extra effort to keep the mare in tip-top shape. On top of this, the rider's bridle is as stiff as cardboard! Now, maybe I'm just nit-picking, but if my parents shelled out 20k for a horse, and then another 40k for a supremely nice trailer, I'd sure as Hell be working my ass off to keep those things in pristine condition.

As it stands, I have a $125 horse and a $9,000 two-horse slant trailer. I'll admit my trailer isn't pristine (it's been too cold to take the mats out and wash it), but if I may steal a line from Annie, my horse gleams like the top of the Chrysler Building.


Our most recent picture; taken indoors on a cloudy day.

Why is it so difficult for some riders to spend time grooming their horses? When riders, like the girl mentioned above, spend thousands to take their horses to A-rated shows, how is it not a priority? Is riding more of a formality to people like her? Does she ride because of the sport, or because of the horses? And does it even matter?

Let's be realistic - there are a lot of products out there to keep a shine on your horse. Maxi-Glo, SmartShine, and other supplements. Horse Haircare Moisturizor, LaserSheen, Show Sheen, and Vetrolin. But nothing puts a gleam on your horse like elbow grease. All you need is a curry and a goat hair brush (not to mention good nutrition). Half of the time, I don't even curry my horses! A soft brush with natural, not synthetic, bristles will go a long way in making a coat shine. For a healthy tail, all you need is your fingers and the (very) occasional detangler. Excess amounts of any detangler or shampoo (especially those with silicone like Show Sheen or Vetrolin) will dry out the coat. A cactus cloth will help bring out natural oils to promote shine, and even just rubbing your hands over the coat will make it gleam.

There is a lot of information out there on good grooming - all you have to do is open Google and search!

But while we're on the topic of good horsemanship, let's talk reading.

I just ordered Horsemanship by Waldemar Seunig, and Breaking and Riding by James Fillis. These are the two latest editions in my ever-growing collection of books on horsemanship and riding. I love to learn riding theory. Be it in books, or online, or listening to Miss Sherry talk about it... it's something I enjoy. I've stated in the past that I'm not a great rider, and I stand by that. I'll never go to USEF Medal Finals or a large hunter derby. But I can spot tension almost anywhere in a rider, and usually can help them fix it. I know a lot of different exercises to reposition, supple, or strengthen the body; and I know how those things affect the horse.

I just started reading The Complete Training of Horse and Rider by Podhajsky, and in the very beginning of his book, he talked about theory versus practice. I'm going to quote it for you:

"Ideas with regard to the importance of theory over practice will always differ, but they will agree on one point, namely that the one is not complete without the other. Theory without practice is of little value, whereas practice is the proof of theory. It is the theoretical knowledge that will show the way to perfection. Theory is the knowledge, practice the ability. Knowledge must always take precedence over action."

The final part of the first sentence bears repeating: "...one is not complete without the other."

But how many young horsemen (and women) read? I can think of one. It's no accident that she's the most talented up-and-coming local rider.

I shouldn't blog.

I'm not good at it. Some people just have that flare for blogging that makes reading their writing enjoyable, and I lack that particular requirement. On top of that factoid, I'm never consistant with my updates. I think "oh, yeah, I'll start blogging more," but it never happens, and (let's face it) my life isn't very interesting. You can't really blog if you don't have any readers - it's more like a private journal.

So then, why do I keep coming back to update?

I'm not even sure I know the answer to that. It's been months since my last update (previous one not withstanding since I just now published it... it was written months ago), and I've skipped uploading all of my Sherry clinics since October.

But something happened between now and then.

I was diagnosed with a confirmed brain tumor. For a while after the diagnosis I didn't quite know what to think. I'd be fine one minute and flying off the handle the next. In public and among family I appeared to be perfectly fine. I put in a lot of effort to handle it with grace in light of my boss' melanoma and the sheer amount of complaining she's been doing. But when I was by myself I would break out into tears and then laugh at the irony of it all.

The tumor is most likely a low-grade glioma. It's located in my right frontal lobe, right between the two hemispheres, and right in the middle of my forehead, which is where the Superior Frontal Gyrus is located.

"Another essential function of the superior frontal gyrus seems to be its role in working memory. This refers to pieces of information that are held for short lengths of time, allowing for the completion of complex mental tasks. Research performed on individuals with lesions or damage to the superior frontal gyrus found that they had difficulties performing tasks requiring the use of this form of memory. Larger lesions corresponded to greater deficits in working memory, along with damage that was specific to the part of the cerebrum just behind the eyes. Specifically, this seemed to play a role in reviewing the items in working memory, as well as manipulating these items to accomplish cognitive tasks." - www.wisegeek.com

I have to admit, this explains a lot. The Frontal Lobe of your brain controls your cognitive functions... things like decision making, problem solving, social behavior, and motor function.

I'm not sure when it began; it all seems like a blur. I started to have more and more difficulty just living. Little things would wear me out - I would read a few paragraphs from one of my text books and suddenly be exhausted. Carrying a water bucket left me breathless. I would ride my horse and feel like I'd run just run a marathon... my legs would feel like jello and I was just so tired. My memory became poor and linking facts together became more and more difficult. With all of this came mood swings and anxiety. I would get nauseous for no reason for weeks at a time, and then suddenly feel good again, only for it to happen again a few months later. I would feel unreasonably guilty. My eyes started to play tricks on me - "objects" would flash in my field of vision, especially in the dark, making me believe I was about to run into something. I dropped things all the time: Pens, coins, papers... things had to be held firmly in my fist in order to be kept in my grip.

The entire time, a span of four to six years, I never would have suspected that I had a tumor. I struggled with the thought that it was just the way I am. That I was so tired because I was out of shape or lazy. That I was failing classes because I just wasn't smart enough, or because I was too lazy and lacking the work ethic to study. But I didn't want to be that person. I was so angry at myself all of the time for being the way I was. But I couldn't change it. No matter what I did, I was always that same person: Failing classes, pulling away from friends and family because I didn't want to be around them, and always tired.

When Grimsey tossed me and the doctor found a dark spot on my CT scan, it was salvation. I was desperate for it to be something; to have a reason for the way I was. I wanted there to be something wrong with me. The relief I felt when my neurologist diagnosed me (first with MS and then with the tumor) was indescribable.

Now, my neurosurgeon (heretofore known as Dr. Hotshot) thinks he can remove the tumor via a craniotomy.

It seems that things really do happen for a reason. Maybe there was some cosmic god out there who led me to Grimsey. Who knows. But I am fortunate. And whether or not I get the surgery, and whether or not the entire tumor can be removed, I will keep moving forward.

I'm one of those people.

That person in school who was always asking the teacher "why?" and "how?" and "what if?"

I'm certainly not what one would consider to be a "good student," but I am a learner through and through. I get frustrated when I stop learning and feel stymied. This problem isn't restricted to just classes in university, however. No, it follows me onto my horse. When my instructor tells me to bend the neck for the canter depart, I want to know why. And I usually don't get a response. Then I usually find out that the original instruction was wrong and Lord help me, then.

I spent three years under the tutelage of a local tyrant of a big name trainer. She was horrible, but she knew her stuff, and I'll be damned if I didn't learn more in my three years with her than I have throughout the rest of my riding "career." Everything she taught me was backed up with factual information. It wasn't just about riding and getting over the jump - it was about learning. WHY you have to ride that way. WHAT happens if you don't do that. HOW that influences your horse. WHEN you should use it, and when you should resort to something else.

Now that we've parted ways, I've hit somewhat of a road block. My monthly lessons with Miss Sherry are great. But once a month doesn't do it for me. Not when I have to go back to my instructor who fails to explain the "how's," let alone the "why's." Most of my instruction consists of her yelling "wiggle your fingers!"

There's no doubt that I love her. I wouldn't ride for her if I did not. But I've been having a crisis about the fact that I'm not learning with her. It's very frustrating for someone like me. But I'll continue to ride, and read, and study. Maybe I'll have an "aha!" moment.